monday 15th coffee with K

Work has tired me again and i was still worried about what was happening between me and K. After stressing out from my depression hit i gave it a long thought and decided i needed to talk to her about everything. We met up for coffee and then had a chat about me and my problems. the night was actually quite nice and i was going in to tell her i was backing off. I needed clarity and space. After the nights events i found i had lost my girl and my best friend and was even lonlier than when i had left.

Its always a bad thing to lose friends especially when you care about them. I not only lost her but i also lost the friends i made through her which i am sure i wont see again. It make me sad to close people out but its the only way. I become too fond of people and i have trouble expressing myself with people. If i dont know them and i dont care if i never see them again then yeah fuck em, who gives a shit. but if i actually appreciate and respect someone then i struggle to be myself. Only when all barriers have been crossed and theres nothing left in the world to lose people find out what im really like. Even then they realise they know nothing about me other than shards of fragments i reveal in uncertainty.

Closure is good and focus important. Time to move on and find another chicky. Good bye K and good luck. Will miss you in my life.

;P

Allan