The week i spend bored

After finishing off a great 8 weeks of hard work spent on a project i passionate about and with people that are pretty much fantastic i ask my self one simple question. Why arnt i happy. Why am i still miserable and why do i find no joy in anything that i do.

So from these simply questions i also ask myself. Why is it that i should feel the need to suceed in what i choose if in the end i am still unhappy. Why do i tolerate the needs of others and place suffering upon myself if i am still unhappy. What is the point of becoming successful and in the long term well off and distinguished if in the end no joy comes my way.

From this it becomes more complex. There are other factors that i cant control and other problems that i cant forsee. Simple questions become hard questions and this inevitably makes for a change.

So whats changed?

Simple question but at the same time complex. I have changed, my needs have changed my desires have change and my place in this world has changed.

So where is the problem?

The problem is that now i dont know what to do. that i dont know where to go. That in the end everything i do and have done has been for nothing and that once i have gone, i will have made little to no difference to the place where i was and the people that i have touched.

I think its easier to follow them that have come before me. Easier to wait. But how long can i wait for? how long can anyone wait for?

What do i know?

I know i am waiting. I know i have things to do and i will know them when i see them. I know i can do anything. I know i am him and i know i have to do it alone.

The next problem is that once you know these things, what can i do to change the things i dont like in the things that i know?

and the answers are ...

that everything done in this world everything costs. One way or another you will pay for it. through sacrifice or through pain.

to gain one thing you must give up another. follow the balance and success will be yours.

eventually you will find choice, and from your optinos you will have to decide between two dominant options. From these two you can only ever choose one. For me i always choose both and once i fail i will receive one in full and another in half. my kind of cheating. but as i said earlier. you still have to pay for it somehow.

so once again what can i do to change the things i dont like in the things that i know?

nothing

this is fate